Harry Potter's Crazy Life
by LethalxLilly
Summary: Bunch of one shots from the Harry Potter stories. Full summary inside. Rated; Tea Cup, for lots of randomness.
1. Potter's InnerEye Problem

**Summary; These are a bunch of one shots from all 7 Harry Potter stories. Very Funny; Very Random. I will tell you where the part is in the book from each one shot.  
All of the ones shots are based off something from the book.  
I'll put the page number and book number in the begining of each chapter.**

**On page 105 in Harry Potter 3... Ron's like "You need to have you inner eye checked" So I thought I'd make something of it.  
This is from my other story but this is the way I wanted it; as a oneshot.  
But I've turned "Potter's InnerEye Problem" into a story.  
So this is the oneshot.  
Some people might have read this one already; So skip to chapter two unless you've read the first chapter of "The Tart" Then go to chapter three.**

Harry's POV

"Right, You've got a crooked sort of cross..." I said, looking at Unfogging the Future. "That means you're going to have 'trials and suffering'-sorry about that-but there's a thing that could be the sun...hang on...that means 'great happiness'...so you're goin gto suffer but be very happy..."  
"You need your Inner Eye tested if you ask me," Said Ron.  
He stiffled his laugher... But I was thinking...

--Time trip to Christmas Break!!

"You're not staying at Hogwarts this Christmas??" Ron asked.  
"Nope. I've gotta go home and do something" I said.

--At the Dursley's.  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" Uncle Vernon screamed at me.  
"Well... While I was at school... I realized I needed my eye checked." I said. "So I need to visit the eye docter people! Which means you need to take me or I'll blow up Dudley!"  
"OK! OK! FINE!" He screamed.  
He went to the phone and made an appointment...

--At the Eye Docter Place.  
"Ok. What can we do today?" The Eye Docter asked.  
"I need my Inner Eye checked!" I said.  
"What?"  
"My Inner Eye. My friend Ron said I needed it checked... So I thought I should be safe and have it checked! You know?"  
"Right... And where's this 'Inner Eye'?" She asked.  
"Right here!" I pointed to it.  
"Ok..."

--Back at Hogwarts.  
"Why is your scar wearing glasses?" Hermione asked me.  
"Ron said I needed my Inner Eye checked!"  
She stared at me and Ron walked over.  
"Hey! You got you Inner Eye checked!"


	2. The Tart

**So in Harry Potter 2... I was looking at page 82 and it says something about Dumbledore wanting to sample a Custard Tart.  
So I got an idea. What happens when he goes back to the feast?**

**:) Enjoy!**

Dumbledore's POV

I to Professor McGonagall, "I must go back to the feast, Minerva, I've got to give out a few notices. Come, Severus, there's a delicous looking custard tart I want to sample-" I said. And with that we left.

--At the feast.

I sat down and looked at the tray were the tart was... _had been_.

"ALL RIGHT! WHO ATE IT!?"

**:) I just thought that was funny. But I made it into a story, The Tart. So if you wanna read it as the story instead of the oneshot it was supposta be; go to my storys.**


	3. Axy the AxeMan

**Ok this one is from HP3 on page 230 where Professor Trelawney is going on about the 13 people at the table. And then Ron and Harry get up first and Professor M. said something about an axe murderer. So I thought of a oneshot for it.**

Enjoy!

Harry's POV  
Ron and I got up from the table... And Professor Trewlawney shrieked loudly.  
"My dears! Which one of you left his seat first! Which?"  
"Dunno" Ron said, looking at me uneasily.  
"I doubt it will make much diffrence" Said McGonagall. "unless a mad axe-man is waiting outside the doors to slaughter the first in the entrance hall"  
Ron laughed. Professor T looked mad though.  
"Coming?" I asked Hermione.  
"No," She muttered. "I want a quick word with Professor McGonagall."  
"Probably trying to see if she can take any more classes" Ron yawned as we made our way to the entrance hall.  
As soon as we opened the doors a mad axe-man jumped out screaming.  
I rolled my eyes, "Oh come on! This is so ridiculous"  
"Ohmygod! ITS A MAD AXE-MAN! KILL HARRY! KILL HIM! HE WALKED OUT FIRST!" Ron screamed, running in a circle with his arms in the air.  
"You die!" The axe-man said.  
"Come on! I don't have all day to stand around. I have much more important things to do. I mean seriously!" I said, tapping my foot.  
"To bad!" He breathed in my face.  
"Oh! OH GOD!" I jumped bcak plugging my nose. "Have you ever brushed your TEETH?"  
He cocked his head to the side, "Teeth? Brush?"  
"Yeah! You know! Toothbrush; Tooth paste. Clean teeth" I explained, crossing my arms. "And come on, ever washed your CLOTHES?"  
"Wash? Clothes?" he said, putting the axe down.  
"Well you should try it." I said, grabbing Ron by the back of his robes and walking up the stairs.  
He dropped his axe and followed us.  
"What are you doing?" I asked, stopping.  
"Me follow you! Me friend!" he said.  
"Right..."  
"You no be my friend?" he asked.  
"Erm..."  
He started to cry.  
"OK! OK! Just follow us..." And then he was my friend!  
We started doing EVERYTHING toghether.  
Homework, going to classes, eating and all that stuff.  
And I taught him proper english. And Hermione fixed his teeth.  
"Come on Axy!" I said, calling him as I climbed out of the hole.  
"COMING!" He said, running to the portrait hole.  
"HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME!?" Ron called from the stairs.  
"No one cares about you!" I called over my shoulder.  
"BUT I'm YOUR BEST FRIEND!"  
"AXY'S MY BEST FRIEND!"  
"Stupid Axy" He muttered.  
"Axy like Harry!" Axy said.  
"Yeah Harry like Axy too!" I said.  
"YAY! Best friends forever!" he said.

Then McGonagall came into the hall.  
"Harry you must get rid of that Axe-man now." She said.  
"BUT! He's my friend!" I said.  
"To bad, he is not a student nor a teacher. There for he must leave."  
"But hes my-"  
"No. He must go. Dumbledore said so."  
"Fine!" I said.  
"Good day Potter" She said, walking off.  
"Axy has to leave?" He asked me.  
"Yes. Axy, just go! LEAVE HOGWARTS! AND NEVER COME BACK! GO JUST GO!" I screamed.  
He started crying and ran off.  
"Now where did Ron go?" I muttered to myself.

**So there you have it!  
Oh and if your wondering what happened to Axy; He ran into Dumbledore... And Dumbledore being gay and all... Fell in LURV!! And so did Axy.  
Then they were happily married and had six kids!  
The end.**

**:) Review please!**


	4. The News Changes?

**I'm really very sorry I haven't updated. I've been so busy. I'm on break right now, so I thought I'd post my ideas. (:**

**Ok so this is from HP5, page 6. Enjoy!!**

Harry's POV

"Why are you lurking under out window?" Petunia asked me.

"Yes-yes, good point, Petunia! _What were you doing under our window boy?_"

"Listening to the news," I said. Dur, what else would I be doing??

The Dursley's exchanged outraged looks.

"Listening to the news! _Again?_"

"Well it changes every day, you see," I said.

Vernon's eyes got wide and his mouth fell open, "Really?!" He asked.

"Well yes. I mean you can't have the same news everyday!" I said.

Petunia nodded, "Well that makes sense! No wonder it's different each day! Huh... go figure!" She walked away from the window.

I shrugged.

"I would have never guessed it changes... Hm..." Vernon waddled away from the window. I grinned.

What idiots!!! I then took a stroll down candy lane... And then was later attacked by Dementors! OMG! NO WAY! Yeah well I lived.

**(: hope you somewhat enjoyed it.**


	5. He's off his rocker!

**Ok this one is from HP5, pg 299. Where Percy sends Ron the letter telling him that Harry is coocoo. (:**

**Enjoy!!**

Harry's pov.

I looked up at Ron.

"Well," I said. "if you want to-er-what is it?" I glanced at the letter. "Oh yeah, 'sever ties' with me, I swear I won't get violent."

Ron looked at the floor, "Well in that case..."

"ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND!??! OH I SEE HOW IT IS!! SAVE YOURSELF FROM VOLDEMORT BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO HELP YOU IF HE KILLS YOUR FAMILY!" I screamed.

Ron looked at me, "Well I was going to say Percy's-"

"WHAT!? WHATS THAT YOU SAY!? HES RIGHT? OH I SEE HOW IT IS!" I ran at Ron and tackled him.

Hermione just stood there.

"Harry-" We were rolling on the floor pulling each others hair. "I was going to say-" I stuck my tongue out at him. "Hes a git!"

I stopped, "Oh! Well in that case..." I stood up and brushed myself off, "I'm off to bed. Goodnight!"

"He's off his rocker!" Hermione whispered.

I turned around, "WHAT YOU GOT A PROBLEM TOO!?"

"I was talking about Seamus, look!" She pointed to Seamus's rocking chair in the corner. It was empty.

"Oh..." I went up to bed. Interesting night.

**Yeah kinda lame. Whatever (: Haha He's off his rocker, No look! Really...**

**Review**


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